Upskirt

"You must not mount up to my altar by steps, in case your private parts be exposed on it." --Exod. 20:26

Old Testament
Book Two: Exodus
The Exodus from Egypt (cont'd)
Chapter 17: War with Amalek
Chapter 18: The Original Judiciary
Israel at Mount Sinai
Chapter 19: Security around Mount Sinai
Chapter 20: The Eleven Commandments!

Metaphorically, I think as soon as Israel is delivered from the wilderness, the story itself enters its own wilderness of boredom. We're not there yet, we're at the point in chapter 12 where Israel moved to the edge of the wilderness--we've seen all the action, now for a long, dreary time we're going to hang out at the foot of Mount Sinai and be told what to do.

Here are the ten commandments (they're in chapter 20), for reference:
Chapter 20 doesn't quite make sense. First of all, there are no stone tablets. What's weird is that when the 10 commandments are spoken, God just speaks them, from the top of the mountain. It's a funny moment, he goes into great detail--this is the culmination, he's delivered Israel from Egypt, this is the big covenant, follow these rules and you will be my people forever (19:5). So he gives a big speech, telling Israel the ten commandments they follow.

As soon as he's done, the scene switches to the base of the mountain. To the Israelites, it just sounds like thunder and lightning! They don't hear a single thing that God just said! (20:18). It's very funny, it reminds me of the scene from Hardware Wars where Darph Nader is telling Princess Anne-Droid he's about to blow up her planet Basketball. They don't understand a word God is saying, so they send Moses up to listen. (So maybe the tablets come later--what a shock if we have to read these same commandments ten more times!)

You know how lately, some retarded judges and others are trying to put the ten commandments in courts, claiming that the ten commandments are the origin of all justice? I read a really good analysis of that claim one time; I can't remember where. Here it is. Christopher Hitchens, no less. He says a lot of what I've already said, but it's true that to think these ten commandments are the basis of our own law is ridiculous--the first four have nothing to do with law or morality at all, "honor your parents" is nice, but not in fact a part of our law, and "don't covet" if it were passed would immediately be struck down as unconstitutional.

One interesting lawyerly argument is to examine what is missing, and what exactly that means. Nothing against rape, nothing against sodomy, nothing against child abuse, nothing against slavery. Does that not imply that those things are allowed? Surely, at a minimum, abstaining from them is not required by God in order to remain one of his chosen.

Here they are:
1. Have no other god before me.
2. Worship no idols or images of god.
3. Do not take the Lord's name in vain.
4. Keep the Sabbath holy.
5. Honor your mother and father.
6. Don't murder.
7. Don't commit adultery.
8. Don't steal.
9. Don't commit perjury.
10. Do not covet your neighbors "things" (wife and ox).

I thought Hitchens's point about #5 was particularly good: honor your mother and father is fine, but what about children? Why have a commandment about being nice to mom and dad, but nothing to adults to treat children well?

As I read the bible, I see more and more ways the story doesn't make sense. Something that occurred to me this morning is the existence of these other gods that God prohibits. How in the world did they come about? God has been doing amazing things for thousands of years by this point. He's been causing floods, plagues, death, destruction of every kind. It's OBVIOUS he exists--how would it ever even come about that someone would think there is some other god out there? Imagine a group of people believing in some sun other than our Sun--why would they? It seems quite bizarre to me that, at a time when God was making almost daily appearances on earth, that people would make up other gods to worship.

Anyway, as a writer--okay, I know what you're saying, when did you ever write anything. Well, I haven't. My undergrad degree is in creative writing, but you're right, I've only written a dozen short stories in my whole life, and never had anything published. I haven't written a short story in probably 10 years. Still, I was at a reading one time, and I asked the author a couple questions, and afterward he asked me if I was a writer. I stuttered around and told him, well, I'd like to be, but not really. He chastised me that I'm a writer if I consider myself a writer--success isn't the measure of a writer. Got it?

So, AS A WRITER! I have been tending to focus a lot on the actual writing of the book. It strikes me there's a real point of view problem right here (as in the beginning). If God is up there thundering to himself, and no one can understand him, how do we know that's what he said?

Anyway, there are actually eleven commandments in chapter 20, and the eleventh is by far the most interesting. (There are actually far more commandments in Exodus, but even in this one episode, there is another one on the heels of the first ten. It is:)

11. You must not mount up to my altar by steps, in case your private parts be exposed to it.

Well, Exodus has gotten really boring compared to the ribaldry and lasciviousness of Genesis, so we have to make the most of what we have. Most obviously, women in Exodus times didn't wear underwear. That's something. And they must have worn short skirts, otherwise nothing would be visible. That's kind of hot.

Warning: I think things are about to get really boring.


--bibletoenail


Textual notes:
- Exod. 17:9n -- Joshua appears out of nowhere. Another episode inserted from another time.

- Exod. 17:11 -- A silly little story. Israel is fighting the Amalek. Moses is watching. When he raises his hands, Israel gains the advantage, when he lowers his hands, Amalek does. Moses' arms get tired! So Moses sits down and Aaron and Hur hold up his arms for the rest of the fight.

I want to ask one question about this, another thing that goes unexplained. What exactly is the science behind this episode? Is there some mechanism, some natural mechanism, by which Moses' arms are actually influencing the fight? Or is it that God is doing it? If God is doing it, then why in the world does he make Moses raise his arms?! What in the world is God's game there? It's kind of a funny joke, is that what God is up to?

- Exod. 18:1n -- More mistakes. In 2:16-21, Jethro's name was Reuel. Same character, different name. Bad find-and-replace.

- Exod. 18:2 -- Moses' wife's name is "Zipporah." That's kind of hot too.

- Exod. 18:17-24 -- This is very interesting. Jethro invents the judicial system. Moses was listening to all cases himself. Jethro said he should set up a system of "judges," one for every hundred people or so, to listen to their disputes. Then the hard cases they could bring to him. The notes here put an interesting spin on this story that I did not get from the actual text, which is that the civil courts are under religious authority. That the lower civil courts can decide simple cases, but the system is kept ultimately in the hands of religious leadership. I took the story to be more practical than that, although it is true that before the system, what Moses was doing was interpreting religious law.

- Exod. 19:4 -- Another silly thing about the bible--God is on Israel's side. Why in the world would that be? All of humanity is his creation, his children, why would he conspire so completely just with the Israelites? It really makes no sense.

- Exod. 19:5 -- God AGAIN tries to renegotiate his contract. The whole contract is void for several reasons, first because God did not offer new consideration for the new terms.

- Exod. 20:5n -- The note points out more intratextual contradiction. Not all biblical writers agree with this idea of inherited sin. See Jer. 31:29-30, Ezek. 18:19-20. What is particularly striking about that here is that these are the actual ten commandments that even other biblical writers disagree with!

- Exod. 20:11 -- "In six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and on the seventh day he rested. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and declared it holy." I think the creationists' claim that the "six days" Genesis 1:1 are long god-days does not make sense. If that's true, why constantly emphasize these earth six days with the rest on the seventh? I don't know, that just doesn't ring true to me.


Quotables:
"The whole community of Israel set out from the wilderness of Sin" --Exod. 17:1
"Moses cried to the Lord, 'What shall I do with these people? In a moment they will be stoning me.'" --Exod. 17:4
"Is the Lord in our midst or not?" --Exod. 17:7
"The Lord is at war with Amalek generation after generation." --Exod. 17:16
"I have become an alien living in a foreign land." --Exod. 18:3
"You have seen with your own eyes what I did to Egypt, and how I have carried you on eagles' wings and brought you here to me." --Exod. 19:4
"Be ready by the third day; do not go near a woman." --Exod. 19:15
"For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous god I punish the children for the sins of the fathers to the third and fourth generations of those who hate me. But I keep faith with thousands, with those who love me and keep my commandments." --Exod. 20:5
"You must not mount up to my altar by steps, in case your private parts be exposed on it." --Exod. 20:26