Old Testament
Book Four: Numbers
The Journey from Sinai to Edom (cont'd)
Chapter 17: The wilderness revolt (cont'd)
Chapter 18: The duties and rights of the priests and Levites
Chapter 19: Purification after contact with a corpse
Chapter 20: The demand for water at Meribah
The Approach to the Promised Land
Chapter 20 (cont'd): Preparation and departure from Kadesh
This section has a little bit of action, but it gets really repetitive. There isn’t much to say about it. I was thinking about how these five books are the most important for Jewish people? They are so boring! One actual thing happens here, Miriam dies. Then they run out of water. Then the Israelis of course start moaning again. This is a strange story, even the note-writers don't understand it. God tells Moses to take a staff and speak to a rock and it will yield water. So Moses does what he said. He gathers the congregation, asks them, "Listen, you rebels, must we get water out of this rock for you?" (Num. 20.10.) Then Moses strikes the rock with his staff, and water comes out and they all drink. Then, are you ready for this? God is mad at Moses and Aaron! "You did not trust me so far as to uphold my holiness in the sight of the Israelites; therefore you shall not lead this assembly into the land which I promised to give them." (Num. 20.12.) What the fuck?!
As I said, even the note-writers didn't understand this. They say it is not clear, but their theory is that Moses kind of acted like he was doing it himself rather than saying God will provide. That still isn't a very good explanation, because God didn't say "how dare you act like you are powerful," he said, "you didn't trust me." Except obviously they DID trust him—they said water would come out and it did. Anyway, God condemns Aaron to death for this indiscretion.
One other point that the notes make is that ultimately Moses does not lead Israel to the promised land. Despite decades of God promising to do something, he fails to do it. They apparently will not reach Canaan until Joshua. (Right after Deuteronomy, another whole book of rules. By the way, it's interesting, isn't it, that these books have Greek and/Latin names? Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Deuteronomy. As far as I can tell, even Jews, in English, use the Greek/Latin names. There are Hebrew names for the books, of course, but the English names also come from the Greek/Latin.)
So what happens? God makes up a reason to get mad at Moses to explain why he doesn't make it to Canaan. I find this so odd. Obviously the book was not written as it was happening, right? It was written later. Yet for the first 160 pages of the bible God is promising something that he cannot deliver on. But when the books were being written, they already knew Moses wasn't going to make it, right? Why not just change the whole story so God always promised they would make it to Canaan after Moses died? Why didn't God just promise from the beginning, "I will deliver you to the promised land, but it is going to be hard, and it will take many many years"? I honestly don't have an explanation for this anachronism. The notes are constantly (and I do mean constantly) talking about how one chapter doesn't fit in with the rest, or it is a fragment of some earlier tradition. The notes clearly take the view that these books are just a hodgepodge of traditions, knitted together to gather certain people under the tent and exclude others, nevermind the inconsistencies. (And think about that! Nevermind the inconsistencies? Seriously?!) I can imagine, I suppose, that these were oral traditions, the stories had been passed down from generation to generation for hundreds of years before they were written down, so when it came time to write them down, it wasn't a question of creating a coherent book, it was more just a collection of the oral tradition. That makes sense to me. In fact, I'll go one further, when these books were written, there was no thought that they would be analyzed as a coherent whole, read from cover to cover. I buy that.
But anyway, keeping that in mind, let's get back to Miriam. Now, people do read the book from cover to cover and try to make sense of the obviously bizarre and anachronistic juxtapositions. As I was reading this I got curious what religious people would have to say about these chapters. They were nonsensical to me, who doesn't care. Sure enough, when you stare at anything long enough you can start to make sense of it. I found a web page that actually melded all of Chapter 20 into one coherent whole, and it focused on Miriam! (Here is the whole passage about Miriam in Chapter 20: "In the first month the whole community of Israel reached the wilderness of Zin and stayed some time at Kadesh; there Miriam died and was buried." (v. 1.) That's it.
This commentator asked the question, why was Miriam, such an important figure, not mourned? Immediately after her death the water runs out. The Israelites are punished for not mourning her. They get their water back, then Aaron is killed and they mourn him for 30 days. Apparently there is a full tradition of feminist scholarship on the meaning of the presentation and placement of Miriam's death. It's all surely not true, but still it is interesting what you can find if you stare at something long enough.
—bibletoenail
Some Quotes:
"Listen, you rebels, must we get water out of this rock for you?" —Num. 20.10.
"Strip Aaron of his robes and invest Eleazar his son with them, for Aaron shall be taken from you: he shall die there." —Num. 20.26.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Monday, July 7, 2014
The Descendants of Tia Tanaka
I love the happy coincidences that occur in google and firefox. I have google analytics installed on this blog to count the traffic. I don’t have the analytics page bookmarked, rather I use the firefox feature of completing URLs after I type in a few letters. So to go to the analytics I type “anal” into the address box, and the google analytics page is always the first one in the list. I don’t even read it, I just highlight the first one and hit enter.
Today I accidentally typed in “anak” instead of “anal,” and clicked on the first one. What came up, instead of the analytics on this page, was a video of Tia Tanaka that I must have come across at some point! I find it fascinating that half the world is watching videos of Tia Tanaka getting DP’d (technically this is not a video of Tia Tanaka getting DP'd. It is actually double vaginal, not one vaginal and one anal. Some people might call that double penetration, but I do not) while the other half is reverently reading about Jesus. There is something hilarious but sad about that.
But that’s not the end of it. I got curious that “anak” would bring up something on my firefox, and typed it into google. The first result is a wikipedia page for the word “Anak”! You want to know what Anak is? It’s a word in the bible . . . in the very passage we are reading for today! In chapter 13 of Numbers, as we will see, Moses sends some scouts out to reconnoiter Canaan for a possible invasion. While there, they encounter the descendants of Anak. The Anak are . . . part of the race of Nephilim, or the giants from Genesis chapter 6!!! I just can’t believe the giants have shown up again. They are the most absurd part of the bible. I think most bible skeptics like me never read past Genesis, because I’ve never heard anyone mention them beyond chapter 6. But bible enthusiasts must likewise never read the bible all the way through, because I’ve never heard one of them mention them again either. But apparently whenever God needs to heighten the drama, he adds the Giants, because that makes the task of conquering Canaan that much harder. The Nephilim remind me of the Goons in Popeye.
So, that’s it. The Nephilim never went away. They weren’t a fluke in Genesis. They moved to Canaan where they spend their days having sex with Tia Tanaka. It’s all part of the lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything.
Old Testament
Book Four: Numbers
The Journey from Sinai to Edom
Chapter 13: The reconnoiter of Canaan
Chapter 14: Israel’s response to the report of the spies
Chapter 15: A collection of miscellaneous cultic regulations
Chapter 16: The wilderness revolt
“It is flowing with milk and honey, and here is the fruit it grows; but its inhabitants are sturdy, and the cities are very strongly fortified; indeed we saw there the descendants of Tia Tanaka.” —Num.13.27–28.
We get the first whiff of Jesus, way back here in Numbers! After promising for 150 pages, God is finally beginning the very first gestures toward giving Canaan to Israel. He tells Moses to get a leader from each of the twelve tribes to go explore Canaan. From the tribe of Ephraim goes Hoshea son of Nun. Moses for no apparent reason calls the son of Nun Joshua not Hoshea. The notes say that the culmination of this story happens in the book of Joshua, where it reaches its climax. The note says that Hoshea and Joshua come from the same verb in Hebrew. Hoshea means “save”; Joshua means “the Lord saves.”
This is an interesting, I think powerful, little moment. God of course has been promising things all along. But this little episode has a very different quality from anything that has come before. Up until now everything has been overt—God promising, God getting mad, God murdering, and so on. This moment has a real Exorcist quality to it. Moses does something random, way before there is any apparent reason for it. Yet we find out in 100 pages that Moses knew all along. I find this kind of stuff, where Moses knew something, or even did something without knowing why, way more creepy than God getting mad. It’s the first moment where God is working mysteriously. I like it. Of course they just inserted this after Joshua leads them into Canaan, but whatever, this kind of invisible hand of God is far more enticing than the asshole that comes down in a pillar of fire.
So, the note says, “Jesus” is a much later form of the name “Joshua”! That’s very interesting!
Caleb alone of the twelve told Moses let’s go, we can win! The rest of the spies say, No! We can’t! The land is full of giants!
The Israelite community is becoming more and more annoying, almost as annoying now as God. When they hear what the spies said, they cry again that they left the slavery of Egypt at all; they would have been better off there. Moses and Aaron say no, no, God will provide. We’ll be fine. Then God gets mad again, “Moses, how much longer will this people treat me with contempt? How much longer will they refuse to trust me in spite of all the signs I have shown among them? I will strike them with pestilence.” That sentence is amazing. He says why do they hate me and I’m going to kill them all in the same breath. I don’t even understand the childishness of God here. Moses told them to go out and explore Canaan, so that’s what they did, and they faithfully reported on what they saw. What is wrong with that? How is that betraying God? You understand what God is saying here? He wants them to LIE for him, and they betrayed him by being truthful. So NOW God has an excuse to let them all die and fail to live up to his promise. Then, he has the gall to ask why no one trusts him!
Oh the end of this story is hilarious. God kills all the men who made bad reports. Then because of what God did the Israelites say okay okay! We will go to Canaan! Moses says, no, don’t! You’re going to get killed! And they go anyway and get killed! Which is exactly what the spies said would happen!
Chapter 15 is yet more random laws. There’s one interesting thing here. It distinguishes between “inadvertent” sin and “presumptuous” sin. For inadvertent sin, a sacrifice will expiate the sin. It’s kind of interesting. If someone in the community sins inadvertently, the whole community is responsible, and the whole community will atone. But if the crime is presumptive, then the sin rests on that person’s head alone, and that person will be cut off from the lord.
Then, just so we’re clear, an example is presented. A guy was caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath. Yes, gathering sticks on the Sabbath. The lord says to Moses, “That man must be put to death; he must be stoned by all the community outside the camp.” So they did so.
Chapter 16, then, is one more rebellion against Moses, this time by Korah, along with Dathan and Abiram. So, this is great. They challenge Moses’ authority, so he tells them what they are going to do to settle it, and he makes up something about burning incense in front of the Tent of the Presence. Dathan and Abiram have the sense to say forget it, we’re not coming. So god tells Moses to go to the tents of the three men. And Moses says, if they die naturally, then they are right. But if a chasm opens up right now and swallows them up, then they were wrong! And the chasm opens up and swallows them up!
Then the very next day the idiot Israelis start complaining again about the lord killing some of their community. So God starts a plague. Moses tells Aaron to run out and stop the plague with some incense, which Aaron does, but not before the plague kills fourteen thousand seven hundred Israelis.
This is what it means to be a slave. Following this god is like living with Kim Jong-Un.
--bibletoenail
Some notes/quotes:
“It is flowing with milk and honey, and here is the fruit it grows; but its inhabitants are sturdy, and the cities are very strongly fortified; indeed we saw there the descendants of Anak.” —Num.13.27–28.
“Moses, how much longer will this people treat me with contempt? How much longer will they refuse to trust me in spite of all the signs I have shown among them? I will strike them with pestilence.” —Num. 14.11–12.
“But the men whom Moses had sent to explore the land, and who came back and by their report set all the community complaining against him, died of the plague before the Lord; they died of the plague because they had made a bad report.” —Num. 14.36–37.
Today I accidentally typed in “anak” instead of “anal,” and clicked on the first one. What came up, instead of the analytics on this page, was a video of Tia Tanaka that I must have come across at some point! I find it fascinating that half the world is watching videos of Tia Tanaka getting DP’d (technically this is not a video of Tia Tanaka getting DP'd. It is actually double vaginal, not one vaginal and one anal. Some people might call that double penetration, but I do not) while the other half is reverently reading about Jesus. There is something hilarious but sad about that.
But that’s not the end of it. I got curious that “anak” would bring up something on my firefox, and typed it into google. The first result is a wikipedia page for the word “Anak”! You want to know what Anak is? It’s a word in the bible . . . in the very passage we are reading for today! In chapter 13 of Numbers, as we will see, Moses sends some scouts out to reconnoiter Canaan for a possible invasion. While there, they encounter the descendants of Anak. The Anak are . . . part of the race of Nephilim, or the giants from Genesis chapter 6!!! I just can’t believe the giants have shown up again. They are the most absurd part of the bible. I think most bible skeptics like me never read past Genesis, because I’ve never heard anyone mention them beyond chapter 6. But bible enthusiasts must likewise never read the bible all the way through, because I’ve never heard one of them mention them again either. But apparently whenever God needs to heighten the drama, he adds the Giants, because that makes the task of conquering Canaan that much harder. The Nephilim remind me of the Goons in Popeye.
So, that’s it. The Nephilim never went away. They weren’t a fluke in Genesis. They moved to Canaan where they spend their days having sex with Tia Tanaka. It’s all part of the lattice of coincidence that lays on top of everything.
Old Testament
Book Four: Numbers
The Journey from Sinai to Edom
Chapter 13: The reconnoiter of Canaan
Chapter 14: Israel’s response to the report of the spies
Chapter 15: A collection of miscellaneous cultic regulations
Chapter 16: The wilderness revolt
“It is flowing with milk and honey, and here is the fruit it grows; but its inhabitants are sturdy, and the cities are very strongly fortified; indeed we saw there the descendants of Tia Tanaka.” —Num.13.27–28.
We get the first whiff of Jesus, way back here in Numbers! After promising for 150 pages, God is finally beginning the very first gestures toward giving Canaan to Israel. He tells Moses to get a leader from each of the twelve tribes to go explore Canaan. From the tribe of Ephraim goes Hoshea son of Nun. Moses for no apparent reason calls the son of Nun Joshua not Hoshea. The notes say that the culmination of this story happens in the book of Joshua, where it reaches its climax. The note says that Hoshea and Joshua come from the same verb in Hebrew. Hoshea means “save”; Joshua means “the Lord saves.”
This is an interesting, I think powerful, little moment. God of course has been promising things all along. But this little episode has a very different quality from anything that has come before. Up until now everything has been overt—God promising, God getting mad, God murdering, and so on. This moment has a real Exorcist quality to it. Moses does something random, way before there is any apparent reason for it. Yet we find out in 100 pages that Moses knew all along. I find this kind of stuff, where Moses knew something, or even did something without knowing why, way more creepy than God getting mad. It’s the first moment where God is working mysteriously. I like it. Of course they just inserted this after Joshua leads them into Canaan, but whatever, this kind of invisible hand of God is far more enticing than the asshole that comes down in a pillar of fire.
So, the note says, “Jesus” is a much later form of the name “Joshua”! That’s very interesting!
Caleb alone of the twelve told Moses let’s go, we can win! The rest of the spies say, No! We can’t! The land is full of giants!
The Israelite community is becoming more and more annoying, almost as annoying now as God. When they hear what the spies said, they cry again that they left the slavery of Egypt at all; they would have been better off there. Moses and Aaron say no, no, God will provide. We’ll be fine. Then God gets mad again, “Moses, how much longer will this people treat me with contempt? How much longer will they refuse to trust me in spite of all the signs I have shown among them? I will strike them with pestilence.” That sentence is amazing. He says why do they hate me and I’m going to kill them all in the same breath. I don’t even understand the childishness of God here. Moses told them to go out and explore Canaan, so that’s what they did, and they faithfully reported on what they saw. What is wrong with that? How is that betraying God? You understand what God is saying here? He wants them to LIE for him, and they betrayed him by being truthful. So NOW God has an excuse to let them all die and fail to live up to his promise. Then, he has the gall to ask why no one trusts him!
Oh the end of this story is hilarious. God kills all the men who made bad reports. Then because of what God did the Israelites say okay okay! We will go to Canaan! Moses says, no, don’t! You’re going to get killed! And they go anyway and get killed! Which is exactly what the spies said would happen!
Chapter 15 is yet more random laws. There’s one interesting thing here. It distinguishes between “inadvertent” sin and “presumptuous” sin. For inadvertent sin, a sacrifice will expiate the sin. It’s kind of interesting. If someone in the community sins inadvertently, the whole community is responsible, and the whole community will atone. But if the crime is presumptive, then the sin rests on that person’s head alone, and that person will be cut off from the lord.
Then, just so we’re clear, an example is presented. A guy was caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath. Yes, gathering sticks on the Sabbath. The lord says to Moses, “That man must be put to death; he must be stoned by all the community outside the camp.” So they did so.
Chapter 16, then, is one more rebellion against Moses, this time by Korah, along with Dathan and Abiram. So, this is great. They challenge Moses’ authority, so he tells them what they are going to do to settle it, and he makes up something about burning incense in front of the Tent of the Presence. Dathan and Abiram have the sense to say forget it, we’re not coming. So god tells Moses to go to the tents of the three men. And Moses says, if they die naturally, then they are right. But if a chasm opens up right now and swallows them up, then they were wrong! And the chasm opens up and swallows them up!
Then the very next day the idiot Israelis start complaining again about the lord killing some of their community. So God starts a plague. Moses tells Aaron to run out and stop the plague with some incense, which Aaron does, but not before the plague kills fourteen thousand seven hundred Israelis.
This is what it means to be a slave. Following this god is like living with Kim Jong-Un.
--bibletoenail
Some notes/quotes:
“It is flowing with milk and honey, and here is the fruit it grows; but its inhabitants are sturdy, and the cities are very strongly fortified; indeed we saw there the descendants of Anak.” —Num.13.27–28.
“Moses, how much longer will this people treat me with contempt? How much longer will they refuse to trust me in spite of all the signs I have shown among them? I will strike them with pestilence.” —Num. 14.11–12.
“But the men whom Moses had sent to explore the land, and who came back and by their report set all the community complaining against him, died of the plague before the Lord; they died of the plague because they had made a bad report.” —Num. 14.36–37.
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