“‘Have you spared all the women?’ [Moses] said. ‘Kill every woman who has had intercourse
with a man, but spare for yourselves every woman among them who has not had
intercourse.’” —Num. 31.15, 17–18.
Old Testament
Book Four: Numbers
Israel in the plains of Moab (cont’d)
Chapter 29: The
sacrificial calendar (cont’d)
Chapter 30: Vows
taken by women
Chapter 31: Vengeance
against the Midianites
Chapter 32: The
distribution of the territory east of the Jordan
It is amazing and wonderful that no matter how far you go in
the book, it never gets less insane. So,
God tells Moses to gather an army to go back to Midian to get revenge on what
they did to Israel (by having sex with that woman). (But remember, there’s some confusion whether
it was the Midianites, or the Midianites and the Moabites, or the two are used
interchangeably. It’s almost like God
says, “Moses, go kill the Moabites!”
Moses: “Wait, you
mean the Midianites?”
God: “No, I thought
it was the Moabite women that Israel was having sex with.”
Moses: “No, I mean, yeah,
it was, but then, remember? That guy had
sex with that Midianite woman in the temple?
Then Phinehas took a spear and stabbed both of them through while they
were having sex?”
God: “Oh Jesus would
you shut up? Moabite, Midianite, who
gives a shit? Just do what I tell you to
do. Gather your army and go attack the
Midianites.”
Moses: “But what
about the Moabites?”
God: “JUST DO IT!”
So they gather their army and destroy the Midianites without
losing a single person, then they take the spoils back to Moses, and he is
pissed off once again. (Have you noticed
that no one is ever pleased with anything anyone does?) Moses is mad because they spared the
women! Moses says, no, you have to kill
all the women. Only save the
virgins! So they do, and they count all
the spoils, and they ended up with THIRTY-TWO THOUSAND VIRGINS to split among
the soldiers!
This is another really good example of how intensely stupid
this whole story is. The entire reason
God and Moses are mad at the Midianites in the first place is that they had sex
with the Israelites. So what is the
reward for the spoils of battle? Having
sex with the Midianite virgins.
By the way, I love how God keeps reminding Moses that he’ll
be dead soon. “Just deliver these 32,000
virgins to the men, then you can join your father’s kin.” Okay, God, I get it, a little sensitivity,
please.
Chapter 29 is nothing, a long list of repetitive rules about
each day of some holiday.
Chapter 30 is interesting.
I can really see how you could make a career out of feminist analysis of
the Bible. This chapter is sort of
sexist, but in a way not. It says that
women can make vows to God that are binding.
That seems pretty strong; they’re able to have that relationship,
etc. But if the man of the house
(father, husband) hears the vow and repudiates it, then the vow is not
binding. So it’s a strange kind of validation. On the one hand, women have, it seems to me,
some authority, but on the other hand only if backed by their husband, so
really not at all. I don’t really
understand the point of this chapter at all.
The notes talk about “Israel’s cultic obligations.” I just have no idea what that means. It is reminding me of Muslims trying to outdo
each other with their devotion—reading the entire Qur’an during Ramadan,
praying five times a day: “Look at me,
I’m more religious than you (na-na-na-boo-boo).” The impression I have is that the Israelites
could make promises like that, to fast or whatever, which God would hold them
to. Or, now that I think about it, it’s
probably more like what I have been observing through the whole Old Testament
so far—everything for the people in this book is about
negotiating with God.
“God, I’ll do this for you if you do this for me.” This might just be another example of
that. “I’ll fast for a week if you agree
to give me a son,” whatever. So, a woman
is allowed to make such a promise, as long as the husband agrees to it when he
hears about it. (I also like the
ignorance clause included—if he is not aware what his wife is doing, then he’s
not responsible for it.)
Chapter 31 is the story about the hot Midianite
virgins. Chapter 32 is a relatively
peaceful, nice story about some sheepherders in the tribe. Right now the tribes are east of the Jordan
River. (Which I believe is the Eastern
border of Canaan. I think the “West
Bank” refers to the west bank of the Jordan river. In the Bible God promised Israel Canaan,
which I believe is all the land between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean
Sea. In modern times, the country of
Jordan annexed land west of the Jordan River, which became the “West
Bank.” The reason the West Bank is so
hotly contested today is because of this stupid book we’re reading that was
written thousands of years ago. How
insanely stupid is this?) Anyway, there
was good grazing on the east bank of the Jordan; some of the tribes wanted to
stay there for their sheep. Moses took
exception saying after everything God has done for you, you want to stay here
rather than going on across the river with Israel? So the herders made a deal with Moses, that
if there is ever war, the herders will be drafted and fight first—they will be
at the head of the invading force. That’s
just a cool, reasonable little story of people acting normally. (I mean, negotiating deals in a normal way.)
We finish Numbers tomorrow! I have a feeling Deuteronomy is going to be really boring; hopefully it will get better after that.
—bibletoenail
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